Blood tests and waiting, waiting, wondering and more waiting…

So as I’m 28 weeks pregnant and as I have a raised BMI, I am required to take a glucose tolerance test to see if I have developed diabetes. 

The test involves being fasted from 11pm the night before and basically lots of waiting around today. More on this later as I might as well use this time in the waiting room to be productive.

So the weekend was an OK one,  my two eldest are girls aged 11 and 9 and unfortunately my husband and I are much stricter with them than their dad is,  so weekends are normally a battlefield as they don’t appreciate suddenly having rules to follow.  This has been an issue for some time and when Sunday night comes (by this time they are normally better behaved) it’s like the reset button gets pressed as all the rules disappear as they go back to their dad. 

They were better this weekend so it doesn’t feel like such a waste putting all the effort in,  but being spoken to the way they do at times is really disheartening, and not being in total control of their upbringing is something I’m having to learn to expect and get on with.

Their dad is very much a workaholic and likes the easier route. He has never once taken the girls on holiday,  though he has taken holidays with his girlfriend easily enough.  His mum used to take them on holiday every year until they were too much to handle (not necessarily through awful behaviour but because of her age) and we have always made a point of taking them away every year.  He has admitted he doesn’t always discipline them as he should and has had numerous different girlfriends without any input from me as to when the girls will meet these new ladies and their children.  It’s all very tiresome,  messy and worrying.

This latest lady has twin girls and sounds OK,  3 months into his relationship I am yet to meet her.  I was advised by my flighty ex some time ago that he was dating her and I joked that the girls shouldn’t be introduced to her anytime soon as there have been quite a few ladies recently.  He agreed.
Lo and behold less than 3 days later he’s introduced them and they’re going on family day trips together…  Another argument and another fact of my daughters upbringing I have no control over and just have to accept. I know this makes me sound weak but arguing with him is one of the biggest wastes of my time.  I have taken legal advice and the bottom line is,  unless they aren’t being cared for,  the most I can do is send letters advising of my unhappiness in the situation. No court would allow the girls to live with me if they are cared for where they are as the upheaval would be more detrimental.

So back to today.  As I work in the local hospital where I need to have my bloods taken,  I started my normal shift at 8am. I managed to get two patients admitted for their procedures before having to dash off to get changed out of my scrubs and head up to the maternity unit. Never has the question “when did you last eat?” make me feel so much compassion!

I’m told on arrival that I missed my appointment yesterday “no I didn’t”  I tell the receptionist as I rang over a week ago and changed it.  Who wants to be sat in hospital all Sunday morning?

Anyway I take a seat and get called through for my first set of bloods to be taken which are taken without event. Next it’s the dreaded glucose drink,  sadly it’s no longer lucozade that’s given but a pharmacy glucose preparation and it has to all be drunk in one go.  I can only describe this as some sort of syrupy solution that is probably used to feed butterflies.  It’s sweet,  thick and there’s a plastic cup and a half of the stuff.

Down it goes into my empty stomach and now 20 mins later I’m not feeling at my best. Woe is me  Doesn’t help that this morning I really didn’t want to get up and felt mega hungry!

So now I’m on a two hour wait for more bloods to be taken…  I’m sitting here (baby is kicking plenty~sugar rush anyone) feeling a bit sick and headachy and generally sorry for myself. 

I don’t like Mondays.  I’m sure I’m not alone here and with just over five weeks of work left I can honestly say I cannot be bothered. I wouldn’t let this compromise my work or my patient care but deep down…  I just can’t be arsed. I don’t like feeling like I’m wishing my life away but does anyone else feel like they are just waiting for time to pass?

Time till my next blood test,  time till I leave work for the day,  time till I start maternity leave,  time till baby is due and so on. I hate being lazy and I do try to keep busy but how do you really live in the present when everything big and momentous is in the future? Or so it seems.

And does anyone wonder about what happens after.  Or is scared when the big events pass that there might not be another? I don’t mean in terms of my mortality,  but just what if all my big life events are behind me.  No more babies to arrive,  I’m already married.  There’s no guarantee my children will get married and have kids, or if they do,  I might not be a big part of it.  What if after this baby arrives that’s it? Is that when you start living in the present as the future doesn’t hold the big stuff anymore? Or do you start appreciating the small things instead?

Lots of questions today.  I know they’re aren’t really answers but it’s hard not to wonder with time on your hands.

About me and my first blog

So I’m a young thirty something mum to three, with one on the way. Not the most interesting intro yet right?

My eldest two are from a previous marriage and they only see me weekends and the odd extra day here and there….bit more interesting as I’m told that it’s unusual for mum’s to leave the family unit… Is this right? I’ve never been conventional but this choice was purely made as it was the right choice for my kids. I’m sure I’ll expand on this part of my life later and you can probably already tell this subject makes me defensive… Let’s move on!

So in the week I work full time as a healthcare support worker in a surgical out patient department. It’s my first role in a clinical setting and I both love and hate it.  I’ve been doing the job over 2 years and have learnt so much, and with always being interested in medicine it’s a good fit, but I feel so frustrated at the moment, at both my lack of career paths (partly from my own life choices) and due to NHS politics and practices that are always good for inducing stress and headaches….I can’t fault the service as a patient but from the other side… Well that’s a whole different story.

So I’m 27 weeks pregnant, my fourth, my dearest husbands second. I can safely say he is the best thing to have happened to me, and though I don’t call myself religious (though I do on occassion pray) I was definitely blessed when he came into my life.

So what’s my blog going to be about you ask?

Well I can safely say it won’t follow any preplanned agendas or schedules. I feel my life and history are messy and I’m a control freak. I like to order things and you just can’t do that with real life, a real job, real kids and real housework! Well maybe some can but I generally just breakdown when my hands are too full. So maybe by writing down here about what I’m going through, how I got here and my wonders for the future I’ll stop stressing over the things I can’t influence.

I can say my blogs will include family life… And my family setup is very erratic and I’m somewhat of the black sheep so that always makes for colourful outcomes. It will include my pregnancy journey and some of my work experiences although this won’t last too long as I will start my maternity leave soon. It will include my past which is dark and rather upsetting at points, but I value the experiences as they got me here today and it will definitely include my musings about what the future holds.

Do I believe in fate? Maybe. I like to think my journey is written out and what will be will be… But I wonder if this is just a cop out so I don’t worry too much about the impact of my decisions.. but it’s so much easier to be driven than to drive yourself sometimes…

I was going to be all poignant and post an image of a Wheel of Fortune tarot card but realised I have little knowledge on using images and copyrights so I’ll wait till I’ve researched it a bit. Picture an orange wheel in the sky…. That’s it!

//Fated Thinker